


Goodbye To A Friend

by Samara_TouchMeNot



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Break Up, Regret, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:08:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28525968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samara_TouchMeNot/pseuds/Samara_TouchMeNot
Summary: Two years after their breakup, Atsumu and Kiyoomi see eachother again.Remembering their past relationship, they regret ever letting eachother go.But before the past feelings start to resurface,  they do what's best for themselves and their current relationships.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	Goodbye To A Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Jubyphonic's cover of the song: Kimi No Taion
> 
> Check it out, it's really good!
> 
> https://youtu.be/r3dIs24XXJA
> 
> Bold words are from Atsumu's perspective  
> Italic words are from Kiyoomi's perspective  
> Bold and Italic are of both

* * *

**Bright and shining, it called to me in colours made to shock**

Atsumu walks down the streets, heading towards the café where him and Shoyou had promised to meet up for their anniversary date.

It has been exactly a year since he had tumbled into Atsumu's life like a star fallen down from the sky. He spread warmth in Atsumu's world where everything was left as cold as ice.

Yes, it has been exactly a year since he became Atsumu's sun.

**Walking easily, suddenly it made me stop**

Humming a low tune, he skips happily down the street, that is until he sees a head of black, curly locks swaying in the wind. He stops abruptlyand couldn't help but stare.

Before his eyes, is Sakusa Kiyoomi himself.

He is standing beside Ramen shop, tapping away in his phone. His face is covered with a mask, but he could see that his expression has become more relaxed.

If it were two years ago, his face would surely be scrunched in disgust. The thought made Atsumu chuckle, remembering how Kiyoomi would be spraying disinfectant whenever they would go out.

He shouldn't have, really.

Because somehow, it makes Kiyoomi look in his direction, black eyes meeting brown.

**Losing it all, tearing from me as I fall**

Atsumu's breath hitches as he stares into Kiyoomi’s eyes.

He could see his eyes widen, but he doesn't make any other movement. They don't turn away, they don't speak. They just continue to stare into eachother's eyes.

Those black eyes, are now softer and less intimidating. They now hold a strange warmth that Atsumu had never seen.

When did Omi-kun change so much?

It drives Atsumu crazy.

**What I chased was but a dream, no more than blank walls**

He had once dreamed of having Kiyoomi look at him with that warmth, but he could never achieve that goal.

Unlike Atsumu, who wears his heart on his sleeve, Kiyoomi had a fortress surrounding him. He never let his guard down, not even around Atsumu. Atsumu made sure to do whatever he could do make Kiyoomi feel comfortable, but those walls remained intact.

But now, he can see Kiyoomi with the warmth that he dreamed to see and realises:

Maybe I wasn’t the one.

“Miya?”

**Heard your voice again and found I had a longing all along**

The voice is but a mere whisper. However, to Atsumu, it is not. It is a symphony more beautiful than that any melody the world had to offer.

Even the world’s greatest orchestras could not play anything than would make Atsumu’s heart leap like now.

Even the highest of archangels could not captivate Atsumu’s eyes right now.

Even a siren’s song could not enchant Atsumu’s ears like now.

That is the moment Atsumu realises that he never stopped loving Kiyoomi.

The feeling is not as strong as what he felt before, but some part of him would always long for Kiyoomi.

**But it’s far away today somehow, like hearing a song**

He has Shoyou now.

Shoyou had given him the warmth that he desperately wanted to feel from Kiyoomi. After their breakup two years ago, it was Shoyou that never left his side.

He made sure Atsumu never felt like he was carrying a burden alone because contrary to popular belief, Shoyou is one of the most observant people he has ever met.

He looked through Atsumu in an instant and gave him what he needed the most.

Love.

Maybe that's why Atsumu fell for him so easily.

Atsumu loved him. He loves him and he wants to love him for the rest of his life but he can't help but feel the feeling of regret stabbing his chest.

**Wanna grab the hand we held, warm and never let it go**

The hands that used to always be covered with a glove before, are now bare.

Those pale hands were something that always intrigued Atsumu.

They were cold no matter when. Even in summer, they felt cold. Originally it is because of the low blood circulation due to hypermobility, but Atsumu just thought that ice flowed in his veins instead of blood because neither his hands, nor his heart was ever warm.

But when they held hands, all of these feelings disappeared.

Atsumu who is the epitome of love, always likes to give it. He gave Kiyoomi warmth. He gave Kiyoomi love. And he continued to do so, until he ran out of it.

But now that he could actually feel warmth radiating from Kiyoomi's eyes, would his hands still be cold?

He can't help but wonder.

**It was love we called it far too long ago**

Atsumu likes to give.

He always ends up giving his heart to people who attract him even just a little bit. In middle school, it was Aran. In high school, it was Kita.

There were several in between, and all of them were fleeting crushes, so he didn't bother to confess. His feelings were secrets that he swore to take to his grave.

But with Kiyoomi, it was different.

With him, his feelings would multiply exponentially every time their eyes would meet. They continued to multiply, until he could no longer hide them.

So he confessed.

And when, shockingly, Kiyoomi accepted his feelings, he knew that this wasn't just a crush.

It was love.

**Flowers blooming all around, waxing moon, another round**

With Kiyoomi, he felt love blossoming around him like sakura. He basked in whatever those little petals of warmth that Kiyoomi gave him. It was not much, he could feel. But as long as Kiyoomi was there, he felt happy.

Kiyoomi was slowly warming up to him, like the moon in the waxing phase. From the new moon, silently brooding in the night, with no star bright enough to make it shine, Kiyoomi was turning into a bright full moon, who would not hesitate to shine down upon a traveller’s path, to help him find his home.

But Atsumu never got to see the the moonlight in all it's glory.

Because Kiyoomi never became his full moon.

The cycle repeated, again and again with no end. The traveller was still searching for his home.

**Here we go again, repaint my sky and ground**

But Atsumu didn't give up.

He was tired, yes, but he didn't want Kiyoomi to feel like he was impossible to love, because he wasn't!

Atsumu just had to try harder. Maybe Kiyoomi need space. Maybe Kiyoomi wanted him to be more clean. Maybe Kiyoomi want to him to be less annoying.

Maybe if Atsumu were to tweak a few aspects of his personality, then Kiyoomi would would be happy. Afterall, a little change doesn't hurt anyone, right?

So he changed. And changed. Until he could no longer remember who he was.

**You were warm, already mine, now you’re leaving me behind**

However, everything changed one day.

That day, when Atsumu finally saw that glint of warmth in Kiyoomi's eyes, it was mixed with sadness.

“Let's end this, Atsumu...”

After that it was all nothing but a blur. The only thing he could hear was a voice ringing in his ear, repeating:

‘You failed’

Tears welled upto his eyes, he couldn't bring himself to even look at Kiyoomi anymore. How could he? He failed to live upto Kiyoomi's expectations. He failed to give Kiyoomi the love he deserved.

So he did what he thought was best.

He ran.

Far, far away so that Kiyoomi could finally love someone who deserved him.

**I’ll forget the heat and how it felt and well, I guess that it’s alright**

After Atsumu didn't show up for practice, everyone was starting to become more and more worried. Moreover, it was hurting the team balance, so Foster asked the team to check up on Atsumu.

They somewhat knew what had happened from Kiyoomi's behaviour, so they tried to think what to do.

What can you do when the human embodiment of love himself is left heartbroken?

Teach him to love again.

That's exactly what Shoyou did.

He volunteered to check up on Atsumu, cooked him food, told him stories about Natsu and laughed with him.

After a few months, Atsumu was back to normal. Kiyoomi was invited to join a team in the States and he accepted it.

And when Atsumu learned about this when he finally returned to practice, he vowed to forget about Kiyoomi.

Until now.

* * *

_Was walking ‘round town alone but didn’t know where to go_

Kiyoomi waits for Wakatoshi to arrive for their date. It has been two years since he last came to Japan and a lot of things have changed.

Even before, he couldn't navigate his way on his own because of his germaphobia, so now, after so many years it has become almost impossible to recognize the streets.

But he is happy now. He has been visiting a therapist regularly and his germaphobia is very mild now. He still wears a mask and carries sanitizer but it isn't as bad as before.

Therefore, he isn't going totally crazy about being lost in a crowd.

He is looking at his phone when he suddenly feels someone stare at him. And when the feeling is followed by a chuckle, he looks up to see those honey-brown eyes that he misses so much.

_Looking out for you but finding I was all alone_

Warmth spreads throughout his body, even to the fingertips of his freezing hands.

After two years, he has become even more beautiful. His eyelashes are longer and his golden gate perfectly frame his handsome face making it look like a halo.

He has shock evident in his eyes, and why wouldn’t he? He probably didn't expect to see Kiyoomi.

He probably didn't want to see Kiyoomi.

Not after what he did.

Because, he can no longer see the love in Atsumu's eyes.

_Waving em goodbye, watching precious memories play but I_

Atsumu’s eyes are like a spring of love. If you were to look into them, you would see the reflection of a better version of yourself.

Because that's how Atsumu would see everyone.

He would see the best in everyone, on court and off court.

Those eyes would glint in happiness wherever you would offer him his favourite ice-cream.

They would shine with determination whenever his fingertips would touch a ball, getting ready to set the most perfect ball a Spiker could ask for.

They would fill up with embarrassment, whenever you would complement him, because those were rare.

But Kiyoomi hates the fact that the last thing he saw before leaving were those eyes.

Because they were gleaming with tears and sadness because of Kiyoomi.

_Shut my eyes and looked away, falling from so high_

He could remember watching Atsumu’s retreating back as he ran away from Kiyoomi before he could finish talking.

He had wanted to let him go and free him from the torture he had put him through.

Kiyoomi understood that he was slowly breaking this man before. And not only him. Everyone who knew atsumu understood.

Ever since they started dating, Atsumu had become quieter. He had become cleaner. That should be a good thing, right?

It wasn't.

The continuous use of soap and sanitizer caused his skin to become dry and he was an idiot who did not take care of him. Moisturiser? Nope. Never heard of it.

Kiyoomi tried to convince him to use it, but Atsumu always forgot.

He could remember each teammate’s favourite set but couldn't remember to apply even an ounce of hand cream.

His hands that were once well taken care of had become rough and dry.

Kiyoomi wanted to convince him to stop sanitising so much, but he didn't. Why? Because that was the only way Kiyoomi could touch him and hold his hand.

That was the only way Kiyoomi could love him. But was out really love? What he felt? Yes. What he did? No. Not in a million years.

So, when Kiyoomi got the invitation to join a team in the States, he decided to use it as an excuse to free Atsumu.

_What if I could say the words? What if you gave me the chance?_

Honestly, Kiyoomi wanted say something more before Atsumu ran away.

He wanted to tell him to wait for him. He wanted to tell him that he'll always love him, no matter what and would even fight his germaphobia.

But he was glad that he ran away.

Kiyoomi knew he couldn't be selfish anymore. He couldn't put Atsumu through any more pain than he already had. Atsumu deserved so much more and Kiyoomi couldn’t give them to him.

He knew that Atsumu was better off without him.

But even on practice, he hoped that Atsumu would come through the doors and Kiyoomi could tell him to wait and beg for a chance to love him right.

But Atsumu never came.

Not before Kiyoomi left.

Not before now.

_Maybe things would be the way they were, our life a romance_

Now that Kiyoomi looks at him again, he can't help but wonder.

What if?

What would've happened if Kiyoomi has stopped being a coward and had gone to Atsumu's apartment and hugged him.

What would've happened if he had gone to therapy before?

Would he be able to kiss Atsumu? Would they be able to cuddle? Would he be able to wake up to him every morning and hold him close, without flinching?

But it was too late.

Because he can see the ring on Atsumu's finger shiny brightly, mocking and laughing at Kiyoomi's face.

_But before I knew, my hand was reaching out and then_

“Hey”, Kiyoomi breaths, breaking the trance that Atsumu was in.

“Hey”, Atsumu replies awkwardly, nervously rubbing his neck.

“I see that you're engaged”, Kiyoomi says, pointing toward Atsumu's ring.

Atsumu flushes brightly, several shades of red coating his face as he stutters in embarrassment. “I-it's not-“

Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow.

“It's a promise ring... From Shoyou-kun”, Atsumu mutters.

“Oh”, Kiyoomi whispers.

That was all he could say.

But in reality, there is so much more that he wanted to say.

‘Please come back to me’

‘I'll be a better man for you'

‘I'll never let you get hurt again’

'I don't care that Wakatoshi-kun is probably waiting for me. I don't care that you have Hinata. I just want you to come back to me. Please I'll do anything’

But he can't. Not when Atsumu has such a happy smile when he gazes at the ring with so much love. It was the love that Kiyoomi has lost.

And just like that, history repeats itself and a thousand words are left spoken yet again.

_I lied to you and did it all again_

“I'm glad we broke up”, Kiyoomi blurts out.

A lie.

That was the decision he regrets the most in his life, and still wants to redeem it.

He can see Atsumu’s shoulders tense up and his breathing hitched for a second, eyes widening a little.

“I could've never have made you happy like Hinata does”

A lie.

He could have back then but he decided not to. Another decision that he regrets and wants to redeem now.

Atsumu looks up to meet Kiyoomi's eyes, and with sincerity and a sad smile, he whispers, “Maybe”

Kiyoomi can hear his heart shatter and wonders if Atsumu can hear it too.

“I'm happy for you”

The truth.

Kiyoomi is glad that Asumu could finally find love and happiness, even if this life of his probably had no space for Kiyoomi.

He is happy for Atsumu. Genuinely..

_Flowers dying all around, waning moon, another round_

Kiyoomi once had caused Atsumu to wither.

Atsumu who was an exotic flower that blossomed with love, and his presence itself could fill up a void with love.

So, now as he watches Atsumu’s retreating back yet again, he wonders:

How many lives' worth of heartbreak would he have to endure to repent for ever hurting such a beautiful flower.

He has successfully become a full moon because of Atsumu. He never wants to hurt anyone as he did with Atsumu. He has worked in himself and has become a better version of himself.

Like the reflection that he had once seen on Atsumu eyes.

But now, he is waning.

The dark clouds of guilt are covering him again, but maybe the gust of wind from the wings of an eagle could blow them away?

Maybe.

_Here we go again, repaint my seasons now_

Kiyoomi has spent two winters away from Atsumu.

He has spent two winter away from his warm touch, filled with love and affection. He used to believe that his hands that are cold due to low blood circulation.

But now, he believs that is due to the lack of Miya Atsumu and his warmth.

So, now that he has finally lost that warmth completely, he rubs his hands together and smiles softly.

Now that his seasons have finally lost their warmth, he is ready to search for a sun.

_You were real, already mine, now you’re leaving me behind_

Kiyoomi still feels like that Atsumu being his was nothing but a fever dream.

He can’t believe how lucky he had been to have Atsumu by his side. He can't believe that he once had that warmth all to himself, but before he could properly appreciate it, it was gone.

He wanted to cry and scream and pray to whatever god was listening for a second chance. He would have, actually.

But the fact that Atsumu is happy, is grounding him.

Someone has managed to bring that withered flower back to life and it is now glowing brighter than ever. The unknown flower has found a name for itself and has devoted itself to the one that gave him the love and warmth that he deserves.

And now, the sunflower would only face the Sun.

_I’ll forget the touch and how it felt, I’ll forget you were ever mine_

Kiyoomi silently prays.

He prays for Atsumu to be happy. He prays for his happiness. He prays for him to find the love and warmth in the sun, for maybe, the moon could never give him that.

He prays for a second chance at love because he wants to feel warmth again. He wants to feel warm hands wrap themselves around him until his fingertips are tingling with warmth.

And lastly, he prays to forget. To forget atsumu completely and let him go. To forget that his blinding smile was once his. To forget that he would no longer be able see love in his eyes.

To forget that he lost his chance.

To forget and start over again.

* * *

**_You swore to me eternity, but now here we are_ **

****

Both of them, slowly walk away from eachother.

They don't know what to feel.

They still love eachother.

Maybe it is not as intense as before, but the fragments of their feelings are still there and this meeting has only shed light upon them.

They twinkle like the stars in the night sky.

Now, they have two choices:

Turn around.

Turn around, and let those stars multiply and shower the universe with love, let them gleam and shine in a universe made just for them.

Or,

Look ahead and walk into a future of unknown possibilities, and let those stars die out and create a new universe with the people who shine the brightest in their eyes.

So, they choose the latter and move on.

****

**_Watching it all decay and fall, our long depart_ **

****

As they walk ahead, they can feel the warmth fading away.

Their world, That had been a white box of sweet memories and bitter regrets, is slowly fading away.

The sakura of love has all fallen to the ground, mixing with the soil to become a newborn sprout.

The moon is now fixed in the sky above their heads, neither cold, not warm. Just... Perfect. Now the clock has been stopped and their time has ended.

It is time to go.

So, the white wall break down, and both of them walk on ahead, into the arms of their current lovers.

It is time to write a new page.

* * *

**Winter wandering,**

Atsumu throws a snowball at Shoyou, who giggles and successfully dodges it, preparing to attack Atsumu as revenge.

But before he can, he is tackled to the ground and tickled mercilessly as Shoyou begs him to stop, tears escaping his eyes.

“ATSUMU-SAN, WAIT-“

The laughter dies down, leaving them alone in the snow-covered ground as they stare into eachother’s eyes.

And slowly, they move closer to share light kiss full of love and they felt warmth even in the cold, wet ground.

This is home.

* * *

_Then it bloomed to Spring_

Kiyoomi and Wakatoshi stand beside eachother, looking over the sakura that now covers the trees.

The light bounces off of the leaves, making even the any look a little pink. It is the season of love and Kiyoomi has his lover beside him.

So, when Wakatoshi puts his hand over Kiyoomi's, looking at him for permission, Kiyoomi can’t help but nod, slowly closing the distance between them.

The kiss is slowly and chaste, savoring the moment, and Kiyoomi's hands no longer feel cold beneath Wakatoshi's.

* * *

**Summer into leaves,**

Atsumu and Shoyou sit on the balcony of Atsumu's house back in Hyogo, eating watermelon and talking about whatever that comes to mind.

Nothing is forbidden in their little world.

The newborn leaves have finally grown up to become greener than ever and the wind make them rustle ever so slightly.

And with Shoyou's voice, it feels like this is what he had been missing his entire life.

Shoyou has brought back warmth into Atsumu's life and he can't ask for a better life that what he is living now.

The silver band on his finger is the proof.

* * *

_Watching Fall asleep all along_

The weather is starting to become cold again, making Kiyoomi shiver lightly.

But when a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around him, he feels the warmth seep back into his body.

He turns around to look at Wakatoshi's sleeping face, and lightly caresses it, all the while gazing at the ring on his finger.

This ring promises him a bright future, beside the person with whom he dreams to spend the rest of his life.

So, as he nuzzles into Kiyoomi's neck, with the smell of morning dew evident in the room, and their legs entangled, Kiyoomi falls in love again.

* * *

**_Will we ever be okay? Will it take long?_ **

****

There are times where they wish to turn back time to make things right.

But then, who doesn’t?

Whether it be after getting an answer wrong in a test, or after the demise of a loved one, everyone wishes to turn back time to live their lives perfectly.

But, will they be willing to trade their current life for that purpose?

Never.

Maybe, in their next life, they would try harder and love eachother better.

Maybe, after a few lifetimes, they would be able to hold eachother close and never let go.

****

**_To see that meeting wasn’t so wrong_ **

****

Do they regret the decisions they made while they were together?

Yes.

But, do they regret their relationship?

No.

Not only did their relationship teach them valuable lessons regarding a relationship, but also, it was the reason they are happily married today.

They found a home for themselves, and they were more than happy, so to call their past relationship a mistake couldn't be further from the truth.

* * *

**Always running all around, wishing wondering how**

However, whenever Atsumu would look at the moon, shining brightly in the night sky, he can't help the tiny whisper in the back of his mind.

‘How are ya’ doin', Omi-kun?’

He wonders if he was alright, and longs to see him one last time just to convey his gratitude, just to say: 'Thank you for stepping into my life’.

But decades pass away, and that wishe doesn't come true.

* * *

_I could see you smile even once but now…_

Kiyoomi picks up a sunflower from the flower shop on the way back home while he is picking up his granddaughter from school.

'I hope you’re still smiling, Atsumu’

He would think, smiling gently at the flower in his hand.

“Omi-Omi?”, his granddaughter calls out, tugging on the hem of Kiyoomi's shirt, looking up at him with confused eyes.

So, Kiyoomi picks her up, and place the flower in her hair.

* * *

**_Nights- I’m wandering around, mornings- someone that I found_ **

****

They have found themselves again.

In there partners, they have found a home worth coming back to.

Atsumu’s night is over and he finally has a sun to smile up to.

And Kiyoomi finally has a world over which he can shine.

****

**_And they paint me new with colours, up and down_ **

****

The colours of warmth and happiness coat their lives in a comfortable vibrancy.

The golden band shine in their hands, and the ring of light represent that they had lived their lives in the arms of the people who love and respect them the most.

They find themselves, and are surrounded with love which would protect them from whatever life throws at them.

****

**_I’m ok and I’m away from your heat another day_ **

****

Atsumu and Kiyoomi would always occupy a special place in eachother's heart.

It is a constant that would never change.

But, it isn't a bad thing.

They are okay. They aee happy with how things were. They can’t ask for anything more.

The only thing they wish for is to see eachother one last time.

**_I’ll forget it all and sleep until you fade_ **

****

They are on the different sides in the world, while on one end it is day, on the other, it is night.

But that's how it has always been.

Looking out the window of the hospital, they close their eyes, leaning against their pillows and turning their gaze to the ceiling.

Today, however, they feel a strange warmth on their backs. The warmth is... Nostalgic, as if they are leaning against an old friend.

But they shrug it off, dozing off to sleep.

****

**_Say goodbye to a friend, know that this is the end_ **

****

The only regret that remained that day, was that they never saw eachother, not even on their weddings.

The only wish that remained that day, was to see eachother one last time.

Other than that, they couldn't be happier with their lives and wore a smile even on their deathbeds.

****

**_If you won’t return to me, then go_ **

****

With the first snowflake of the year, they took their last breaths together, closing their eyes in content, with a silent 'thank you' on their lips.

They let eachother go for the third time, and hoped to meet again.

**_You won’t be seen again_ **

****

Not in this life, but maybe in the next one?

Goodbye, friend.

* * *


End file.
